After the wildly popular* post “Things that happened in my kitchen today”, I bring you another glimpse into my life.
The price of eggs
Last night a large plastic container contained within a large plastic bag appeared on the kitchen bench after what was, I had thought, a coincidental unexplained absence of Brendon from the house.
I enquired into the providence of the plastic bag and container and was told unceremoniously: “It’s snails.”
It had been raining last night and the snails were out in force. On further enquiry, it seemed that those that gleamed too brightly on the path had been harvested for our chickens.
Such is the price of free range eggs.
The internet inexplicably stopped working a couple of hours ago. Being the technology sleuth that I am** I start on a coffee and cinnamon induced rampage around the house.
I quickly locate the source of the problem, which proves to be the modem router thing. It is not working.
I formulate a hypothesis: There has been a power cut.
I test the hypothesis: The fridge, lights and other electrical things are all working. All except one confined area of power sockets – the very sockets in close enough proximity to the phone connection thing that allows the router modem thing to be plugged in and the very internet to exist.
I form a conclusion: There has been a selected power cut.
I formulate another hypothesis: Carnivorous snails have got loose from their kitchen bench prison, have slithered into the walls and chewed their way through selected wires. Wires specifically selected by the snails to cause maximum disruption to my day. Disrupting my day in order to spite me, as representative of those humans who had, last night, enslaved them. Even though I had no direct part in their imprisonment I had, I now reflect, been guilty by omission of action as I unquestioningly accepted the necessity of the feeding of the snails to the chickens and thus their consequent capture as a disquieting yet necessary part of the circle of life, much as I had accepted these facts when explained to me years earlier by Elton John in the hit song “The Circle of Life”, a song which, somewhat ironically, is currently having life breathed back into it off the back of the re-release of The Lion King 3D, a movie I recently saw and which was my first ever 3D movie experience. I’m 29 years old and I’ve only just seen my first 3D movie. They’re up to 4D now.
I test the hypothesis: Carnivorous snails are not loose. Wires, selected or general, have not been chewed through.
I get a text from Brendon who thinks it is probably not rampaging snails but suggests a fuse wire has probably has been tripped and maybe I should check the fuse box in the hall.
I form a conclusion: A fuse wire has been tripped. Evidence for this conclusion is provided by the fuse box in the hall.
I untrip the fuse. Internet is restored. And thus, I am able to bring you this post. It’s the Circle of Life, people.***
*Statistics may or may not back up this claim.
**Facts may or may not back up this claim.
***Logic may or may not back up this claim.