The Carmel Pine Cone

The Carmel Pine Cone is the local Carmel newspaper. Carmel is a upper-middle class area in California. Each week, the Carmel Pine Cone is printed. It includes a Police & Sheriff’s Log. The Police & Sheriff’s Log extends over 6 separate pages and non-consecutive pages of the paper, like some weird choose-your-own-lame-misdemeanour-adventure book. Below is a sample of the contents. I thought these may have been an elaborate satire but I am assured they are not. I’m still unclear as to why the the Pinecone sees fit to publish them.

THURSDAY, MAY 5

Carmel-by-the-Sea: Fire engine dispatched to Monte Verde between Ocean and Seventh for an animal problem. Arrived on scene to find a large macaw (parrot) up in an extremely tall tree. The bird’s owner was attempting to get the bird down and needed help. Advised the bird owner the fire department did not have the resources to get the bird down. Fire personnel assisted in giving direction on how to get proper help. At approximately 1430, the bird was retrieved safely.

FRIDAY, MAY 6

Carmel Valley: At Valley Greens Drive and Lake Place, a man was so intoxicated he could not care for himself.

SATURDAY, MAY 7

Carmel-by-the-Sea: Citizen on Crespi reported a dog in the backyard. Before the officer’s arrival, the dog escaped through the fence into a neighbor’s yard. The resident secured the fence where the dog was now contained. The officer was not familiar with the small dog living at that residence and contacted the neighbor. Later, it was determined that the dog and its owner were visiting from out of town. Education provided for securing the fence.

Carmel-by-the-Sea: Female reported her son was “beat up” at a party at an unknown location in the Carmel area. The son refused to provide the location or where it occurred. During the evening, officers contacted a number of subjects who knew about it and also did not provide an exact location, but said it was near the high school. The mother never called back.

MONDAY, MAY 9

Carmel Valley: Person reported receiving a call from an online company wishing to provide virus removal services for their computer The caller stated the computer would crash due to the reason that the majority of computers in the US have viruses.

Carmel Valley: Two wooden signs with the words, “Captain Happyness” and a picture of the owner were stolen off the owner’s property at the entrance of the driveway on Los Laureles Grade.

California – no wonder your state is bankrupt. You are not getting value-for-money on your policing dollar.

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About maximumbrooks

Christine is currently based in Wellington, New Zealand. She improvises regularly at venues around town and dabbles in other things that interest her. She likes mango sorbet, monkeys and, apparently, throwing caution to the wind.
This entry was posted in Travel, Uncategorized, Whimsy. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Carmel Pine Cone

  1. Michael Hobby says:

    Sigh – things have sure gone downhill from when Clint Eastwood was mayor……..

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